I had been looking in the freezer for dinner ideas the other day. There they were; a 24 ounce bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips left over from Thanksgiving.
COOKIES!!!
Then, today I decided was the day to bake the cookies. The recipe is ON the bag! I gathered said ingredients, and began whipping up the creamy wonderful batter I see in my "I can bake" fantasy.
Oh, the butter is not at room temperature. Damn. Can't figure out how to defrost in my fucking microwave, so I put the butter in for about 15-20 seconds. Hmmm. Butter soup. It'll do. This was in the middle of me measuring out the dry ingredients.
Fast forward to mixing the sugar, brown sugar, butter and vanilla in the "larger bowl" with my $9.99 big-box store mixer. Looking yummy! I even managed to crack eggs without getting shells mixed in! The next step was to "gradually add the dry ingredients." How gradual do you have to go to add this???
Oh, well. Mixed in the chocolate chips... getting what I can only call short of orgasmic thinking of eating a warm from the oven cookie with a glass of ice-cold milk. swooning
As I am scooping the "rounded teaspoon" segments onto the pan I am wondering exactly how they get 5 dozen cookies out of this????
Into the oven they go ~ batch #1. Halfway through the baking time, I peek in (because we all do that), and see what look like sunny-side up eggs made from poop with corn in the "yolk."
This was after I scraped the middles out; it was chocolate after all!
After that; I realized what happened. I forgot to add the FLOUR!
FUUUUUUCK!
So that is why it didn't seem as though there was enough batter for 5 dozen. Just a side note; it really is possible to add the flour after all the other ingredients. (although MARTHA would be just horrified; perish the thought) Here is the proof:
Now. As the above batch was baking, I began to channel Rachel Ray and her creativity. No, no EVOO, just the chocolate that I scraped out of the first batch of poop eggs. (the chocolate yolks) In the balance of the batter it went! Whoo-hoooo!!
So, okay, it looked like I was getting ready to make cookies out of rocks. This will be interesting! When I took them out; I was impressed that they actually puffed up a bit. As they sat on the plate cooling, I was impressed with the taste. Considering I added the pre-cooked chocolate back in the batter, these were pretty tasty! Hey!! Twice-baked cookies! I invented something!
Now that I look at the picture closer; I realize that I actually made what looks like fried chicken!
Chocolate chip chicken anyone?
Oh, and Kelly? I guess I shoulda worn the FUCKING APRON!!
And everyone else; specifically my spouse; SHUT UP!!
